Concerning the Leprechaun in our Freezer

I think we have a leprechaun in our freezer. No, not a toy, a picture, or some strange new food, but a real, live little man with a green hat. You know, a leprechaun. I think that he lives in our freezer and throws ice at the door. 
I am not sure why he lives in there. Perhaps he can’t get out. I try to make my visits to the freezer short simply because I wonder if he is going to jump out. Keeping a leprechaun in the freezer is a little scary, but not nearly as scary as if he got out! Or maybe he wants to get out, but every time the door opens he sees a scary giant reaching its hand in to grab him, so he hides behind the frozen chicken. 
I suppose he throws ice at the door because he is angry. If I was stuck in a freezer, I would be angry as well. I am glad he throws ice instead of frozen peas. I can’t stand the thought of frozen peas.
How do I know that he throws ice? I can hear him. It isn’t just me, Crystal hears him too. If you come over and hang out at our place, you will probably hear him as well. We are normally sitting and eating, or reading in our living room, or just talking when we hear the pop, pop, pop in our freezer. I don’t think it is because of what we are saying, because he probably can’t hear much behind the door. (I don’t really know though because I have never sat inside an operating kitchen appliance.)
Some try to reason themselves out of thinking that it can’t be a leprechaun, but merely the cracking and popping of ice as it expands. Those people are merely scared of reality. They are the same ones who say that a thunderstorm is caused by a warm air front and a cold air front colliding. The warm front rises and then cools, causing the moisture to condense and fall with a lot of static electricity being discharged in the air. Scared is what they are. I think that happens when the Maker has sent the Messenger of Rain. As he hurls the rain and the lightning the cold and warm air reacts appropriately.
I have also heard them talk about slipping tectonic plates when trying to explain what happens when Old Man Earth is groaning and shaking. They talk about orbits and rotation when trying to explain the Sun’s daily walk through the sky. They have all types of ways to explain volcanoes erupting, hail falling, waves crashing on the shore, and birds flying south. Scared is what they are. Scared because you can rationalize a warm air front and a tectonic plate and a lunar eclipse, but not the messengers of the Maker.
If you ever come over, maybe you will hear our leprechaun. I have been trying to make friends with him, but apparently he doesn’t like ice cream or guacamole. Not sure where to go from here.
By the way, have I told you about the manatee in our faucet? Maybe another time.

I wish I was this creative…

10 Best April Fool’s Pranks, judged by notoriety, creativity, and number of people duped by

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957 the BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC replied: “Place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.”

#2: Sidd Finch
In 1985 Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the “art of the pitch” in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the “great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa.” Mets fans celebrated their teams’ amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. In reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.

#3: Instant Color TV
In 1962 there was only one TV channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station’s technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that, thanks to a new technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their TV screen. Stensson proceeded to demonstrate the process. Thousands of people were taken in. Regular color broadcasts only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.

#4: The Taco Liberty Bell
In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke.

#5: San Serriffe
In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement devoted to San Serriffe, a small republic said to consist of several semi-colon-shaped islands located in the Indian Ocean. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian’s phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Only a few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer’s terminology.

#6: Nixon for President
In 1992 National Public Radio’s Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, “I didn’t do anything wrong, and I won’t do it again.” Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a practical joke. Nixon’s voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.

#7: Alabama Changes the Value of Pi
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the ‘Biblical value’ of 3.0. Soon the article made its way onto the Internet, and then it rapidly spread around the world, forwarded by email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by physicist Mark Boslough.

#8: The Left-Handed Whopper
In 1998 Burger King published a full-page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a “Left-Handed Whopper” specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, “many others requested their own ‘right handed’ version.”

#9: Hotheaded Naked Ice Borers
In 1995 Discover Magazine reported that the highly respected wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo had found a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. These fascinating creatures had bony plates on their heads that, fed by numerous blood vessels, could become burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speeds. They used this ability to hunt penguins, melting the ice beneath the penguins and causing them to sink downwards into the resulting slush where the hotheads consumed them. After much research, Dr. Pazzo theorized that the hotheads might have been responsible for the mysterious disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837. “To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin,” the article quoted her as saying. Discover received more mail in response to this article than they had received for any other article in their history.

#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth’s own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.


One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and
tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he
replied, ‘I’m not going.’
‘Why not?’ she asked.
I’ll give you two good reasons,’ he said. ‘(1),
they don’t like me, and (2), I don’t like them.’

His mother replied, ‘I’ll give YOU two good reasons
why YOU SHOULD go to church.
(1) You’re 59 years old, and (2) you’re the