Gossip

More convicting questions from Mitchell’s helpful book, Resisting Gossip.

“Before you talk (or before you continue to talk) about someone who is not present, ask yourself the following:
• Would I say this if he were here? (Really? Be honest now.)
• Would I receive this bad news about her in the same way if she were present?
• Am I hiding this conversation from someone?
• Would I want someone else to talk this way about me if I were out of the room?” (Kindle Loc 397)

Resources: Change

I have asked Josh Stephens from Community Baptist Church and Biblical Counseling Alliance to share some of his top resources in various areas of counseling. Over the following weeks I would like to share those, interspersed with some of my own. Please share your own below in the comments.

The order is alphabetical. See Addictions and Anger.

Change

Wayne A. Mack – “A Homework Manual for Biblical Living: Family and Marital Problems (Homework Manual for Biblical Living, Volume 2)

Wayne A. Mack – “A Homework Manual for Biblical Living: Personal and Interpersonal Problems (Homework Manual for Biblical Living, Volume 1):

Bridges, Jerry. The Pursuit of Holiness. Enlarged ed. edition. NavPress, 2016.

Mack, Wayne A. A Fight to the Death: Taking Aim at Sin Within. P&R Publishing, 2011.

Powlison, David. How Does Sanctification Work? Crossway, 2017.

Scott, Stuart, and Zondra Scott. Killing Sin Habits: Conquering Sin with Radical Faith. Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2013.

Tripp, Paul David. Awe: Why It Matters for Everything We Think, Say, and Do. Crossway, 2015.

 

A couple of mine:

Piper, John, and David Mathis, eds. Acting the Miracle: God’s Work and Ours in the Mystery of Sanctification. Wheaton: Crossway, 2013.
Whitney, Donald S. Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life. Upd Rev edition. NavPress, 2014.

Circumstances

The real challenge of Christian living is not to eliminate every uncomfortable circumstance from our lives, but to trust our sovereign, wise, good, and powerful God in the midst of every situation.

– Macarthur, Anxious for Nothing 

Am I complaining?

I complain. A lot. I complain verbally and silently. I am, at the core of my being, a person who is prone to murmur and complain. I am like those dear wandering Israelites in the desert, bless their hearts.

Sometimes I just come out and say, “I hate this.” I could be talking about internal struggles with anxiety, or a time of marital stress, or having to have my Spanish corrected again.

Sometimes I just dwell on it, enjoying the taste of imagined offenses affirming my bitterness toward someone else.

Sadly, neither complaining nor stewing fits under “spiritual disciplines.”
In contrast, speaking truth to ourselves is something that every believer is called to do. Paul calls it “destroying arguments and lofty opinions raised against the knowledge of God,” and “taking every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). Truth speaking is reminding myself what I know is true during times when I don’t feel like it.

But the struggle I have is that many times I haven’t fully recognized the struggle, or the needed truth until I start to talk about it. At times I feel like I need to voice my struggle and err on the side of sounding like I am complaining in order to take my anxiety into the light. It seems like only then I can own it and remember the truth.

  • Saying “I am struggling with culture shock” has been a way for me to battle it.
  • Saying “I am really weak right now” has helped me fight the impulse of “I just need to push through.”
  • Saying, “I am struggling with bitterness” has helped me to pray for the person I punish in my mind.

But then I feel like I am complaining.

Both complaining and speaking truth to myself include recognition, and often times, vocalization, of adversity. But there is a difference.

  • Complaining sees no hope, while truth speaking looks to Christ.
  • Complaining seeks to affirm the reasons for my bad attitude. Truth speaking reminds myself for my reasons why I don’t need to complain.
  • Complaining vilifies the circumstance, person, or object. Truth speaking reveals my own sinful heart and need of Christ.
  • Complaining drives me deeper into the dungeon. Truth speaking leads me out of the cell.

But just as there is a danger of really complaining when we are trying to speak truth, there is an equal danger of accusing someone of complaining when they are speaking truth. I think that if we were to have sat and listened to some of Psalmists write their poems, we would have tried to rebuke them.

So, if you ever come across someone like me, someone who is struggling to believe the truths they know are true, will you help them?

  • Help them by seeing their struggle and affirming that it would be hard given the circumstance they are in.
  • Help them by hearing the truths that they are trying to believe, and affirming them if they are biblical.
  • Help them by praying then, and regularly, for them.
  • Help them by making it safe to be honest about their struggle.

Hope in Dark places

Anger
Disgust
Fear
Sadness
Those were my initial reactions to the courses we were required to take to complete our clearance process with BMM. Every missionary is required to take two classes on Prevention of Sexual Abuse. One is an in-house seminar on problems and procedures, and the other is an online course.

It is hard to hear statistics like “One in four women and one in six men have been or will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime” (Holcomb & Holcomb, God Made All of Me).

But there is hope. There is hope for those who have been abused and there is hope for those who seek to eliminate the abuse. There is hope because of Jesus Christ. With that hope I encourage everyone to investigate these resources:

Darkness to Light – www.d2l.org
A website devoted to ending child sexual abuse. They offer articles, statistics, and a 2 hour course which helps to “raise awareness of the prevalence and consequences of child sexual abuse by educating adults about the steps they can take to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to the reality of child sexual abuse.” While it is not a specifically Christian organization, they are doing a good job at informing us of the dangers of abuse and opportunities to eliminate it.

God Made All of Me by Holcomb & Holcomb
A children’s book which helps parents talk with their 2-8 year old children about their bodies and how to protect them.

On Guard: Preventing and Responding to Child Abuse at Church by Reju
A book dedicated to examine“ why child predators target churches and offers eleven straightforward strategies to protect children from abuse and to help young victims recover if it does happen.”

A Proposal:

  • I would encourage every individual to take the Darkness to Light 2 hour course.
  • I would encourage every family with young children to purchase Holcombs’ book and read through it.
  • I would encourage every church to purchase Reju’s book and teach a class for leaders, teachers, and families on the principles.

“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.”

Matthew 18:5-6

Like swallowing chocolate covered arsenic…

I have been convicted about how I use my words. The conviction is part of the reason I picked up this book, and more conviction came as I read this book.

I criticize because I think I know better.

I mock because I think I could do better.

I belittle because I think I am better.

These ought not to be so. They are symptoms of a sinful heart. In “Resisting Gossip,” Mitchell defines gossip in this way, “Gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.” And while it is tempting, pervasive, and easy, there is hope in Christ for those who gossip and those who are hurt by it.

I would recommend “Resisting Gossip” to individuals and small groups in personal reading, Bible studies, or church groups. It will be a challenge whether you have been on the receiving end of gossip, or the carrier. It will help to define, spot, and deal with gossip in your own heart and in your circle of friends.

Click here to read a full review, and consider picking up this short book and reading through it with a friend.

Mitchell, Matthew C. Resisting Gossip: Winning the War of the Wagging Tongue. CLC Publications, 2013.

Lewis on Surprise and Sin

Quote

“When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light. Apparently the rats of resentment and vindictiveness are always there in the cellar of my soul” (Lewis, 192)

Lewis, C. S. Mere Christianity. New York: HarperCollins, 2001.

There’s a book for that…

Do you ever wonder:

  • if there isn’t something greater to give your life to?
  • why you get so upset about little things?
  • why it is so hard to forgive sometimes?

Read this book: Tripp, Paul David. A Quest for More: Living for Something Bigger than You. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2008.

Point: When we are the center of our solar system we live within a shoebox. When our glorious God is the center of all that we are we are pulled into a universe full of his glory.

Read the full review on Amazon by clicking on the book title. Let us know if it is helpful.

It is on sale on Kindle now. Definitely worth it.