Comfort and My Experience

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

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In the previous posts we looked at four different types of people when it comes to comfort, and then some of the reasons why we suffer affliction – namely to experience and give comfort. What I would like to do today is share some thoughts on how to use your experience to give comfort. These are not necessarily ones I am good at, but ones that have been modeled before me recently.

Comfort First Aid

1. Listen before you share

Failing to listen demonstrates that I may understand the situation, but I definitely don’t understand comfort. Often times the most comforting thing that I can do is just listen. Ask anyone who has experienced a deep loss “What did people do that comforted you the most?” I guarantee that “they just listened” will always be near the top.

When we listen we affirm the person’s struggle. We agree with them that this is hard. We help them heal without trying to fix them.

Confession time: I am awful at this. I like to fix the person’s logic, theology, memory, attitude, and possibly even their personality all in one fell swoop. While Jesus did correct Martha’s theology (John 11:25-26), he did so in the context of genuine sorrow (John 11:35).

2. Share enough but not more

When God has placed you in the position to comfort someone who is suffering, share enough, but not too much. Let’s imagine a person just broke their arm. Tell them you understand how badly it hurts, but don’t tell them you broke both arms and both legs, in multiple places, at the same time, while rescuing a drowning baby, and didn’t get any time off work. That may be true, but when you top their struggle, the hurting person just feels like an idiot.

Think back to what you were feeling and mention what hurts, fears, frustrations, etc. that you felt and then…

3. Point to God, not to you

If I am the hero of my story, I don’t understand comfort. God is the God of all comfort, not me. He was the one who comforted me, and he is the one who will comfort this fellow person.

If I point that hurting person to me instead of God, what will they have when I leave the room? Nothing. If I point them to God, instead of me, what will they have when I leave the room? More than enough.

These are some ways people have ministered to us, sharing a God-given comfort experienced in their life. We thank God for giving us people like this in the midst of struggles, and pray that we too will comfort others with the comfort God has given to us.

What other suggestions would you add?

Comfort and Affliction

Part 1; Part 2

Part 3
“Why?” is a tough question. It seems like every time I try to burp an infant I get this, “Why are you beating me?” look. I try to explain, but it seems to fall on deaf ears.

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We don’t always receive answers to our “Why?” questions. Why did I lose my job? Why did I experience this loss? Why did this happen to me? Job is probably the best example of God choosing not to give answers to the “Why” questions of life. God never gave Job reasons, instead God reminded him who was God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.”

Paul addresses the reality of affliction in the lives of the believers of Corinth. That city, as you probably well know, was not the ideal place for a believer. (Judging by Paul’s letters to the church there, I am not sure that even the church was a good place for a believer at times!) Undoubtedly they experienced affliction from both natural and supernatural causes, as do all believers. Paul’s use of “affliction” refers to “trouble that inflicts distress, oppression, affliction, tribulation” (BDAG). Affliction is an external reality that often produced an inward anguish (2 Cor 2:4).

In this passage we have a partial answer to the question of “Why?”

1. Believers suffer so that they might share in Christ’s suffering (5)
Suffering with Christ was seen as a privilege in the early church. The apostles were martyred, the early church fathers laid down their lives, believers accepted their fate as they confessed Christ. Believers around the world share that same idea today.

2. Believers suffer so that God may comfort them through Christ (3-5)
God is the God of all comfort. He is not a God who is far off, but one who has chosen to suffer for his creation (John 19) and suffer with his creation (John 11:35). No other religion offers that.

3. Believers suffer so that they might comfort others (4)
When a believer has suffered, that individual has been given a unique ability to comfort someone else. The greater the pain felt, the greater the understanding of comfort.

A friend of mine works in a jail. In order to carry a stun gun, each officer must experience the power of the tool. They do not do so by watching a video. They must receive the shock themselves. This gives them an appreciation for what they hold in their hands.

Someone who has felt the pain of affliction can now sympathize with another in that situation. They are able to point them to the God of comfort as someone who has received it.

Next post I would like to give several suggestions about using your experience to give comfort. These come from watching others model them recently in our lives.

When you have experienced affliction, how has God given you comfort?

Hospital Stay: How God used you in our lives

While in the hospital this past week, we had the opportunity to be receivers. Normally I don’t like that. I like to think of myself as capable and self-sufficient. I would rather do things for other people than have them do something for me. I don’t want to feel indebted to someone else.

But I am.

I am not capable. I am not self-sufficient. I need others. That is why there are so many “one another” passages in the New Testament.
One of the lessons that God worked on in my life this past week is that sometimes the best gift I can give to someone is to receive theirs.

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Here are some of the things that people did for us that we greatly appreciated:

1. Sharing that you were praying – in between tests, procedures, and doctor’s meetings I would read texts, emails, comments on Facebook, and tweets to Crystal. Sometimes I would read 30+ different messages! They came from family, friends, and strangers. We had daily messages from all over the USA, Peru, Brazil, France, Indonesia, Tanzania, etc. That was incredible.

2. Sharing Scripture with us – we had various people text, post, or read verses to us, reminding of us of God’s incredible faithfulness. I can’t tell you how much this meant to us.

3. Praying Scripture with us – Hearing a friend pray to God on our behalf makes me cry. Every time. What a privilege to hear someone else take you before God and plead with Him. And it doesn’t have to be awkward. I think some people think that there is this hierarchy of who is allowed to pray with someone else. “If this person is 1) older; 2) more godly; 3) a more faithful church attender; 4) a Bible-reading fiend; 5) wears a tie; than I can’t pray with them for them.” FALSE.

4. Leaving voicemails and saying “don’t call me back, but I wanted you to know…” – this was a relief because I really couldn’t answer or return calls readily.

5. Staying with us – we had family drop what they had and stay with us. We had many more offer.

6. Sitting with us in silence and listening, asking what we were thinking or how we were doing

7. Bringing me lunch, dinner, or cookies (emphasis on the cookies!) – I had to eat a hospital TV dinner. Read that again. It was very thoughtful that the hospital staff would find one for me, but the fact remains, it was a HOSPITAL…TV…DINNER.

8. Cleaning our house while we were in the hospital – this greatly relieved Crystal. I thought it was fine, but Crystal was still thinking about cleaning our bathrooms while I was trying to figure out how I would ever give her a shot. She should have been more worried about that. She knows that now.

9. Picking me up to run a few errands so I didn’t have to drive – after the car accident, birth, and stroke, you should all be thanking the person who did this and kept me from getting behind the wheel! My nerves were shot.

10. Bringing/sending flowers, cards, and balloons – One older delivery guy knocked on our door on the Stroke Floor (7th) and handed us some flowers and a balloon. He then stopped and said, “I need to check and make sure this is the right person.” The nurse walking by, looked up at the balloon that said “Congrats! It’s a girl!”, and told the delivery man, “I’m pretty sure its theirs.” Apparently we were the only new parents on the stroke floor!

So these are some (only a few of the many) of the things that you did to encourage us. We thank God for family, friends, and strangers who lived out Colossians 3:16 – “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thanksgiving in your hearts to God.”

God used you in our lives.

Should I read with an open mind?

Crystal recently hosted a girls activity at our home. Teenage girls came over, ate snacks, made bookmarks, and talked about reading. She challenged them to read critically. Here are some of the questions one can ask:Bookmarks

  1. What does this tell me about God?
  2. What does this tell me about man?
  3. What does this tell me about sin?
  4. What does this tell me redemption? (how are things made right?)
  5. What is this trying to teach me?
  6. What is this trying to make me feel?
  7. Does this cause me to sin or lust?
  8. Does this make me want to be different than I am?
  9. Does this teach me godly contentment with where I am in life?
  10. Does this draw my heart toward or away from Christ?

In the comments below, let us know some questions you might add.

How McDonalds Strengthens Leaders

Since movies like “Supersize Me” and “Food Inc.” have hit the scene, McDonalds has been getting a bad wrap. Don’t get me wrong, they deserve it, but I thank God for McDonalds for helping strengthen leaders…even if they don’t realize it. And to be fair, the following applies to Caribou, Starbucks, Dunn Brothers (even though I can’t stand coffee), Burger King, Wendy’s, and any other 3rd space.

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1. For providing a 3rd space to have a Bible study

I have no problem with meeting at a local church to study God’s Word. I think that is what the church building should be known for. However, if we ONLY meet at the church to study the Bible, we will begin to draw a line between the “sacred” and the “rest of life.” Studying the Bible with someone in a public space may help bridge the gap between the Bible and “the real world.”

2. For serving such good Sweet Tea

It has become somewhat of a tradition to stop at McDonalds after every overnight activity so I can get my Sweet Tea. There really is no real spiritual significance to the Sweet Tea, it just helps keep me awake while driving the church van on limited sleep. I would say that keeping the next generation alive helps to strengthen leaders!

3. For providing employment to those new, or recently returning, to the workplace.

You may not aspire to being the “Fry Guy” for the rest of your life (although I have thought about it…), but working in that position is a great training ground for future service. Being able to smile while serving someone who just decided to take out all their frustrations from work on you is great practice for ministry in the local church.

Have you noticed any other ways you can thank God for restaurant chains?

Canceling Services Because of Snow

Tonight we will not be having an evening service. That may not be a surprising statement to you because 1) you don’t go to church; 2) your church normally does not have an evening service; or 3) you normally cancel when weather is questionable.
This is not normally the case for Liberty.
We have canceled a Sunday service only one time in the past 4 1/2 years because of weather.

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Is it right to cancel a service?

Here are a few reasons why it is appropriate to cancel a service due to inclement weather:
1. We do not attend services in order to win an award for the most consecutive services attended. If that is your motivation I pity you. You know that you can’t take your ribbon to heaven, right?

2. Services in themselves are not sacred. We gather to worship, we don’t worship the gathering. We may not think of it that way. If a church decides to cancel a service, or stop Sunday evening services except for every second Sunday on months containing full moons and significant Irish holidays, it does not mean that are necessarily heathen.

3. Canceling a service can be a way the shepherd cares for the flock. Shepherds don’t have to make every decision for those under their care, but we must be sure not to provoke them to sin.
If a pastor has consistently taught and modeled the idea that disciples of Jesus Christ must make it a priority to gather and worship with the body, they should be compelled to be consistent. There is a moral weight here. We must not forget that some of our congregation, in attempting to be consistent, will put themselves in unnecessary danger.

For these reasons I am thankful that we have wise leaders who choose to care for the flock rather than win a ribbon (even if it is one of those big long ones!).

What reasons might you add?

Suggestions on how to Read Widely

Last week there was a post on Reading Widely. This week there is some “how to”
If you don’t have time to read, consider these suggestions:

1. “Double Duty” – read something that doubles for something else, or use time that you are doing something else, to read. For example- if you are trying to reach out to a neighbor, ask him what he is reading and then read it as a witnessing possibility. Or listen to a classic while driving for 10 minutes, or sitting in line at the bank. Use time when you are running, or normally not productive. Crystal and I listen to a book before we fall asleep. Read to your kids. (Tell me how John Calvin is with sound effects and voices!)

2. Read Wisely –
A. recognize that not all you are going to read deserves to be read and you are not going to remember everything you read. Most is trash. Even on good books there are poor parts. Skim when you get to those.

B. Recognize when you read the best. I think the most clearly from 7-11 am. That is when I read the heaviest stuff. Blog posts, fiction, and history can come at other times.

C. And then don’t read like you have to understand every word. Recognize that a good book you will read again, and again, and again. (More on this later)

D. Don’t think you have to read everything at once. This is a lifelong process. (Insight courtesy of Scott)

Reading Widely

One of the things which I think is so important in a ministry mindset is a big picture mentality. I wish I had one. But I don’t. For that reason I need to read, a lot.
Reading widely is important because everyone with whom you come in contact has a different background. (Surprise, surprise, not everyone likes what you like. Not everyone views life like you do. They like what I like. Obviously.) If you want to make connections, guide conversations, and build meaningful relationships, you need to know something about the person to whom you are speaking.
Reading widely allows you to converse with others. You probably don’t have the time to take a course, get a job, or learn a skill of the area of interest of everyone you come in contact with. But you could have a broader base to make connections. That is where reading comes in. You may have never served in Vietnam, but you could read a book by someone who did. You may have never led a Fortune 500 company, but you could read a book by someone who has. You may never have learned to to knit, but…plead ignorance.
Reading widely can open up new areas of interest for you. Here are several areas in which I have found it helpful to dawdle.
  1. History – Some of my favorites are “Undaunted Courage” and “Band of Brothers” by Ambrose. “Unbroken” by Hillenbrand was helpful as well.
  2. Business – Nancy Duarte has written some great books on business presentations. Podcasts and blogs are abundant (later post).
  3. Pop Culture – We normally check out audio books and listen to them at night or on trips. We listened to a couple of the Percy Jackson books (ok, but there are definitely better ones out there)
  4. Sports – if you are part of a league, group, or exercise club, read what they are talking about.