Fun on the pond

“Travis Himmler, 22, was charged with burglary in November after allegedly stealing the cash register from the Golden Wok restaurant in Bloomington, Minn., and carrying it away on his bicycle. He was found down the street, injured, after taking a bad tumble when the dangling cash register cord got caught in the bike’s spokes. [Sun Newspapers (Eden Prairie, Minn.), 11-26-09]”

“Indeed, there are many people who are critical of the church yet who,
at the same time, retain a sneaking admiration for Jesus. In fact, I
have never yet met anybody, nor do I expect to, who does not have a
high regard for Jesus Christ. Jesus appeals to twenty-first-century
people like us. He was a fearless critic of the establishment. He
championed the cause of the poor and needy. He made friends with the
dropouts of society. He had compassion on the very people whom others
despised and rejected. And although he was fiercely and unjustly
attacked, he never retaliated. He told his disciples that they must
lover their enemies, and he practiced what he preached. There is a
great deal about Jesus to admire.” (Stott, Why I am a Christian, 35)

One thing that frustrates me about winter is the whole concept of our
mythical “wind chill.” I wake up to the glorious Minneapolis weather
report, “Good morning! Snow again this evening, so expect 2-3 hour
delays on every major highway and back road. If you aren’t at work
already you may as well call in sick. Also, to top things off, the
temperature is coming in at a balmy -5 degrees this morning, but
because of the wind chill it feels more like -17. Have a good day at
work!”
Since when are we allowed to mess with the facts like that? Don’t toy
with my mind. What is the temperature!
Why don’t we do this in other areas as well? I plan to begin to write
my own health facts on the side of the cereal boxes. “Contains 75% of
all the needed calcium (but since we put it into such a nice package
it feels more like 88%&quot); Maybe I will have a special update on the
radio about the time. “Your timeologist here, checking in at 3:30 in
the afternoon on Friday but because of the frigid temperatures and
darkness it feels a lot more like 7:30…better get home and to bed!”

I won the contest… (this was taken while we were still dating)

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

See, it’s not so hard after all…