I think our world would spin just a little bit more consistently if everyone who has an email account would agree to live by these few rules.

I, as holder of an email account and passing on the address thereof to others in a manner of seeking communication, and being of sound mind and able fingers, agree to the following articles under pain of death, or at least sharp criticism in the form of a specialized blog post:

I will:

Respond in an appropriate amount of time with an appropriate answer.

Not clog your email by responding when your email did not require a response, such as when you say “there is no need to respond.”

Not assume the question for which you asked my response was rhetorical, such as “When can we meet tomorrow?”

Not put you in my spam folder because you asked me numerous “rhetorical” questions.

Responding to all when you ask all of us to “respond to all.”

At least make an attempt at punctuation and capitalization.

Listen to my spell checker.

Turn off the signature that says “I sent this from my really expensive device that you are too poor to own while on my vacation to someplace you will never go.”

Make sure the caps lock is not in use SINCE YELLING AT YOU WILL NOT MAKE YOU RESPOND ANY FASTER.

Refuse to forward you any chain emails with blocks of addresses and numerous additional comments about testing whether you love God or your country because you don’t forward it again

Never use the abbreviation “IDK” as a response unless I have recently had a severe accident which left my entire body paralyzed and am responding to your message by using a chopstick between my teeth to type a message.

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This is my attempt at speaking the truth in love…I’ll use sarcasm when love doesn’t seem to be cutting it.